i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
