If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
