i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
