they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
