So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
