ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
