I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
