just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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