We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
