the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize