Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize