Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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