Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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