saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
