One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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