i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
