boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
