I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
