he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
