bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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