How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize