alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
