barbara walters just said penis...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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