I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
