so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
