my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
