I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She's the barista slut.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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