What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
We had sex on a dog bed..
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
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