That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
