OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
The air was thick with penises
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
