I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
So much Jack, so little girl.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize