it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
