so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
