i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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