I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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