i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
