You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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