Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
