So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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