hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
