Cold hands, warm shart.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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