I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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