JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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