atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
