How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
