I met the friendliest cop last night
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
