Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
