I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
pray to the hookup gods
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
