i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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