Just cropdusted the office
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
