Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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