I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
