had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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