if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
