You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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