My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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