Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
