He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
