Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
