C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize