Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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