Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
